(Warning: Long and very contemplative post.)
As long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I have been very blessed to have four amazing children who came to us very easily. I have enjoyed being a mom. I have seen hard days, discouraging days, depressing days, and days full of heart-ache. But the good definitely outweighs the bad. Being a mom is the most rewarding thing I have done in my life. I'm not talking about the laundry, dirty diapers, snotty noses, or looks-like-a-tornado-just-came-through-here messes.
I mean those moments when my three-year-old randomly tells me that she loves me. Or my eight-year-old says he wants me to go on a field trip with him because I need a break from working so hard. Or my twelve-year-old decides to pick-up and vacuum the entire house so I don't have to do it. Or my fourteen-year-old stands up for his values even when it isn't the popular thing to do.
Lately though, I have felt completely overwhelmed. Like I don't know what I'm doing. Like I'm not doing enough to prepare my kids to take on what the world throws at them. Like I'm focusing way too much on the day to day grind and not enough on my relationship with my kids and showing them how much they mean to me.
One of my kids told me recently that they think about what life would be like without them. How much better everything would be if they weren't here. It made me feel awful. Like I am the worst mother in the world. It made me realize that I am not doing enough to make this child feel loved and cherished.
Then, as I was talking on the phone with my dad, he reminded me of President Uchtdorf's talk in the last General Conference. He told me he thought it would help me to read it again. He was right! Pres. Uchtdorf reminds us to simplify and seek the things that matter most.
Reading this talk again reinforced to me that for now, my kids are what matters most. My relationship with them, teaching them the gospel, strengthening their testimonies, and creating life-long memories for them is what matters most. When they are grown, they won't remember how clean the house was or how many cookies I made for them or if I made it to every field trip and class party. But they will remember the times I was there for them, the long talks, the hugs, the advice, and the love they felt.
"Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."
Life is so busy and I feel like I'm running crazy most days, but I'm renewing my focus. I am going to slow down and always be aware of and focused on the things that matter most.
3 hours ago